Damn it. You know that feeling you get as soon as you open your eyes and you know it’s too dark outside (or for those with day jobs, too bright), that you should have been awake a while ago? That sickly feeling right in your chest/stomach area? You want to bolt right up, run out the door and, if you drive 80 the whole way, make it to work on time. But you realize that you’ve woken up with just enough time for it to be impossible for that to happen. So you lay there for a couple minutes and just get really pissed deep within yourself because that’s all you can really do. Get pissed quietly.
Yeah, that happened to me last night. I was only late by like 15 minutes, but I was still really pissed. And you know when you’re late for work, it totally ruins the rest of the day. For a brief minute I entertained the thought of just calling in. If I’m going to get written up, I might as well make it good. But, I didn’t. My conscience got the better of me. I was also reminded of what happened on the 4th. I need the hours.
So yeah. Being late for work sucks.
So I offered to work yesterday, the 4th of July (meaning I just got home a little bit ago – it’s 2:00am right now on the 5th). They needed volunteers, or else, more than likely, everyone would have to work. Now, you’d think that being one of the few that offered to work on a holiday, there would be some benefit in it for us. But no, there wasn’t.
In fact, because we were so nice to volunteer the time we could have spent with our families doing 4th of July type stuff, we got the opportunity to lose any overtime we had. If any of us had overtime, we were required to leave early. Not to mention the fact that we were only there for about 3 ½ hours to begin with – while everyone else who took the day off got their 8 hours.
I’m thoroughly disgusted. That’s the last time I offer to give up my free time to help out at work – especially on a holiday. It’s not worth it.
So I made a phone call to pay a bill yesterday. Just what I felt like doing. Gave my bank card number, the amount I wanted to pay, and the conversation came to a close… almost. Before hanging up the phone, the guy goes, “Have a Safe Holiday.” It was right then that I got this sick feeling in my stomach. It actually made me feel a bit irritated. Now, I’m sure you’re wondering what is wrong with me. Well, I’ll tell you.
It speaks to what I feel is a dehumanizing of experience – beginning with language. The removal of any sense of emotion and feeling from the human experience. I’ll give you some examples of what I’m talking about. Let’s start with employment. The act of being fired. It’s no longer called getting “fired.” Joanna is a manager, and when she talks about firing someone, she doesn’t say “fired.” She says she “term’d” someone. It’s what the company calls it now. I had no idea what she meant when she said she had “term’d someone.” It must be their way of circumventing the whole “feeling upset” part for the employee. I don’t know. Maybe if you tell someone they’re “term’d,” then they won’t know what happened for a while. They’ll realize it on the way home, when it’s too late to stab. The problem then, for the employer, just works itself out. Kind of like in “Office Space,” when Milton just stopped recieving a paycheck. They never actually fired him. They just stopped paying him. Hoping the problem would just “work itself out.”
At McLane’s, if you look in the employee handbook, firing is referred to as a “separation of employment.” Ask the person who gets fired if they say, “Oh, I was separated from employment yesterday.” No, they say they got fired.
At McLane’s, we have this 800 number we’re supposed to call if we see any, as they called it in the meeting, “accounting improprieties.” Does that mean stealing? I mean, that’s my guess. I guess if I was talking to a robot, I’d use the term “accounting improprieties.” If I were talking to a sterile, lifeless cog in a wheel, I’d use that term.
Think back to Desert Storm. Or even the current situation in Iraq. When the troops come home and they’re extremely ill. What did Americans call it back in the Korean War, WWII, WWI? Shell Shock. No, it’s not Shell Shock anymore. Now they call it “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.” A disorder?? Think about all the men who’ve served their country and come home and receive nothing for treatment of their illnesses. Do they refer to it as a disorder?? You hear on the news about soldiers with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Maybe they’d be getting the treatment they really needed if we still called it “Shell Shock.”
The most important point I’m trying to make here is that with the dehumanizing of our language, our thought is controlled. A person’s ability to have abstract, original thought is directly related to that person’s grasp of the language they speak. Think about it. The only way you can think is through the use of words – language.
As your language is controlled, so are your thoughts. As the element of human emotion is stripped from your vocabulary, so is that essence of your soul. You become that sterile, lifeless cog. If anyone has read Orwell’s 1984, they would have a firm grasp of what I’m talking about.
And so, what does this have to do with having a “Safe Holiday?” Well, it does exactly what I’ve been talking about. It removes all elements of human emotion from the holiday experience. A safe holiday? What about a fun holiday? An awesome holiday? Maybe even, “Enjoy your holiday?” No. Have a Safe Holiday. Meaning: restrict your actions to such a degree so as that you are spending your time away from employment in such a way so as to preserve your body’s current condition, wherewith you shall continue to serve your life sentence of employment with this aforementioned establishment – or face separation of employment. There will be no leisure time activities which embody the façade of disorderly improprieties upon said premises.
Have a Safe Day!!!
So Thanksgiving was yesterday. It was alright. I had to work the night before, arriving home around 7:00am or so. We went to Joanna’s Aunt Dorothy’s house. Her husband passed away this year, so it’s her first holiday season without him. There was kind of an awkward seating moment when she had set one too many places at the table. We all made light of it (including her), but I know it had to be hard for her.
Overall, it was a fun night. It’s always interesting around Jo’s family. They’re always loud and outspoken… but a very close family. They’ve been through a lot. I, personally, can’t say that I’ve ever experienced the death of a close family member or friend. But, since I’ve been with Joanna, I’ve been to 2 funerals. It’s just something that I can’t comprehend. That’s the way it’s always been. Death has been something that’s always present in her family. My Great-Grandmother lived until she was 98. It’s rare for someone in Jo’s family to live past 60. It seems unfair.
That’s when I start to worry about Joanna. Aside from her uncle (whose house we were at last night), everyone in her family who has died, died of cancer. I really don’t want to lose her at a young age. Her sister, who is younger than her, has had melanoma several times… having surgery to fix it. I always have thoughts about, “Well, maybe Jo’s different. Maybe she didn’t get those genes.” It’s not something I like to think about.
Ok, so on to something more positive. Work has been alright. My 90-day probation period should be over with very soon. I don’t remember when I started, but I’d say in a couple weeks, it should be over. Then I’ll be getting a raise. I don’t like the job, but it pays fairly well.
And once again, the college thing… I hope that I’ll just get motivated and DO IT. I’m actually online applying to Onondaga Community College right now. For spring classes. I’m not even exactly sure what to take. But, we’ll see what happens. Maybe I’ll call and try to get some help with it.
So that’s it for now. So everyone feel free to not comment, like you always do. lol
I look forward to days off so much more now that I have this new job. I really need them. I hardly get any sleep anymore, and a day off is about the only thing that can satisfy that need. I may have said this before, but, if there’s anything that makes you realize that you need to do something more with your life, it’s having a 3rd shift job in a warehouse.
I was talking to one of the truck drivers on Thursday night/Friday morning (I don’t remember what time it was), and we were talking about how some people just get complacent in a job like this, and instead of keeping sight of their goals, they just coast through – working a dead end job for 20 or 30 years. The pay is OK, and for some people, it’s just enough to keep them from wanting to do anything more with themselves. I can see how it’s possible to lose sight of your dreams, and to just keep doing the same thing. At the same time, I can’t see myself doing that… or… should I say… I don’t want to see myself doing that. I’m afraid of seeing myself do that.
I’ve noticed that most of the guys working there are in that boat. They’re all about 40 years old or so. They all have the I’ve-been-working-here-for-15-years look and attitude about them. And for what? Top pay in the high-lift position is $17 an hour. And you make that after 3 years. So they’ve spent the past 12 years wasting their lives away making just as much as someone who’s been there 1/5th of the time they have. There is so much more out there.
And here I am complaining… I just started there. I can’t say that I’ve accomplished a ton so far in my life. I did complete a semester of college. Something I guess I never thought I’d end up doing. As long as all goes well, I’ll be back to school in the winter. I’ll have to take online classes for now, just because I don’t have the time (or energy, because of this job) to go in person. I’ll be focusing on computer science, programming – centering my attention on C++ , Visual Basic and .NET development. I really think Microsoft Windows Vista is going to do a lot for the computer industry, and software development is going to be huge.
I haven’t got much else on my mind right at the moment.
Ok, so it’s been a while since I’ve written anything in here. Just been really busy with work and the girls. Work is going alright. They love me there. Probably because I work harder than anyone else there, and I’m only making $6.75 an hour. My boss says he would like to give me more responsibilities, put me in a higher position, but because Borders is corporate, it’s out of his control. So, until I’ve been there for a year, I’m only getting a 25 cent raise after 6 months. But, the good point is that after a year, anything is open to me. I’d love to get into a management position.
It’s not like I don’t like working there. I do. I’ve gotten a lot of compliments from all of my superiors. Besides, it’s BORDERS! Where else can you work and be exposed to so much enlightening information? Lol Books are great.
Torri’s getting so big! She’s looking more and more like me every day. Her hair is just like mine. When we wake up in the morning, it sticks up in the same places. The funny thing is, I’m like the only one who can calm her down when she gets upset.
Now I understand how hard it is and why women get upset at their husbands when he says, “I’ve been working all day and I’m tired!.” Being a “Mom” is 10x harder than any job out there. But it’s also the most rewarding!
What else is new? Well, my piano studies are going pretty well. I guess I haven’t written about that yet. I just started lessons with a new teacher. He’s got a Masters degree from Julliard! I’ve been taking lessons for about a month and a half now. I’ve already learned 2 new pieces. Schumann’s “Of Foreign Lands and People,” part of the Kinderscenen work. And a March by CPE Bach.