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The Easter Holiday From Hell [Religious Irony Intended]

Monday March 24, 2008 1 comment

Yesterday we celebrated the Resurrection of Jesus in the normal way… with candy. Joanna and I, being Atheists, just enjoy spending time around the family. I think we know better than to bring up religion on days like that. You’re just looking for trouble.

Anyway, I didn’t really bring this up to talk about religion (solely). Yesterday ended up being a horrible day. It started out good. We went to Joanna’s aunt’s house. Hung out with the family. Had an Easter brunch. Enjoyed the whole “family merriment” thing.

Joanna, being the photographer, had started taking pictures of everyone. Her sister was sleeping in one of the chairs by the fireplace, and she thought it’d be a good picture to get of her. Now, I didn’t actually see the event happen, but apparently Joanna was standing on the hearth, the little elevated plane in front of the fireplace, and somehow she slipped and fell on her ankle.

At first, it didn’t seem that bad. I didn’t even hear her fall. I just looked over and saw her on the floor saying that she hurt her ankle. But it wasn’t long until we found out just how bad she really did hurt it. I’d never seen swelling that bad before. Literally the size of a baseball.

So her parents took her to the hospital and I stayed back with the girls. And from what the doctor said, she apparently didn’t break her ankle. 3rd degree ligament damage.

As we speak, she’s at a foot specialist. They’re determining whether or not she’s going to need surgery. I still can’t believe it. She didn’t even fall that far. Not even a foot. I guess it’s just in how you land. This wasn’t the good way.

Now, as if that wasn’t bad enough, there’s more. I took Tessa and Torri back to Joanna’s parent’s house and waited for them to get back from the hospital. Now, you know how kids are, especially when wired on chocolate. Running is definitely part of the repertoire of hyper children.

So yeah, the kids were basically running wild around the house, ignoring my warnings that they needed to stop or someone was going to get hurt. Aside from falling, I failed to mention the whole thing about running with food in your mouth, and how that can lead to choking… and, of course, it did. Tessa runs in from the kitchen, gagging and holding her throat. Jesus friggin’ Christ (a good name to swear with). Had we not enough excitement for one day?

So now I’m giving my child the Heimlich Maneuver while her mother is in the hospital with 3rd degree ligament damage to her ankle. I’d had more than enough danger and peril for one afternoon.

As a side note, to put a skeptical angle on things, there’s an interesting point I’d like to make about the events of yesterday. If there are any religious or superstitious people reading this, I can already determine, with some accuracy, their thoughts on the events that took place yesterday.

If I’d only not been an Atheist, if I’d only had faith in God, these things would not have happened. This is, somehow, God trying to teach my family a lesson. God is punishing me for not believing in Him. I’d like to point out the nonsense in that argument.

First of all, there are completely logical explanations for the aforementioned events. As far as the situation with Joanna and her ankle, she simply lost her balance and fell on her ankle. Jesus didn’t “knock her down” or anything like that. She was on a slick surface with slick socks on (she doesn’t usually wear socks). Concerning Tessa and her choking incident, well, I think we all know why that happened. Running with food in your mouth is bad. You will choke.

I only bring up this point for the simple fact that I’m sure I’ll get comments related to this line of argument. I’m sure that there is even a testable experiment that could be done to prove the validity of this. We could do a study to find out of Atheists trip or fall down more often than Christians or other religious folk. Something tells me that there would not be a statistically significant difference between the groups. I think Jesus pushes people down in equal numbers, among all religious (non-religious) groups. Chuck Norris, on the other hand, only does roundhouse kicks to bad guys.

As another side note, I’d also like to posit an hypothesis regarding Jesus and the Resurrection. I don’t really think that He came back to life and floated up into the air, into the clouds and up into Heaven. I think what people really saw was someone who looked like Jesus, and this guy happened to be doing the “Soulja Boy” dance. Down through the years, the story changed, and morphed into Jesus flying up into the clouds. I think some guy was just “crankin’ that Roosevelt,” or even more likely, he “cranked that Robocop.”

Yuuuuhhhhh!!!

Read a book.

What Kind Of Crap Is This?

Monday January 22, 2007 Leave a comment

So, you know those ads about missing children you get in the mail? The ones that come with coupons on the back for, like, free oil changes and great deals on pizza? Yeah, my family got one of those a few weeks ago [pictured above], up in Hudson Falls, New York. They brought it down when they came to visit. Apparently there was something on this one that I needed to see.

Look closely at the guy on the right. What’s that name? David Garrett?

You’ve gotta be kidding me. Now everyone thinks I’m a wanted man. Last seen with: David Garrett.

The funny part is, the people who live next to my parents (people who never talk to them) asked how I was doing the day after that thing hit everyone’s mailboxes. Like what is that supposed to mean? Did I get arrested yet? Everyone in town got that same ad in their mailbox.

I haven’t lived there in like 3 years. So now everyone probably thinks I’m some kind of kidnapper or something. Not like I can defend myself. Ridiculous.

I should be allowed to put my picture on there. “Not ever seen with: This David Garrett. Reputation/pride/good name preserved. This David Garrett is definitely not a kidnapper. Please, thank you, you’re welcome, excuse me, and certainly.”

So yeah, if you see me, don’t call the cops on me. I didn’t kidnap anyone.

Why did this guy have to have my name? I feel like that guy on Office Space… Michael Bolton. “Why should I change my name? He’s the one who sucks.”

Read a book.

P.S.

I’ve decided to modify my New Year’s Resolution. Instead of reading 2 (two) books per month, I’m going to read 1 (one) book per month – twice. Or, maybe several, depending on what time permits. I figure that instead of quantity of consumption, I will focus on quality of understanding. I mean, you can’t really read a book once and gain the full understanding you could otherwise obtain.

So yeah, read a book… over and over.

Post-Holidays Update

Wednesday January 3, 2007 Leave a comment

The holidays are officially over. It kinda feels strange saying that because it didn’t really feel like there were any holidays this year. In the literal sense because I worked on Christmas, as well as New Years Day.

In the abstract sense, the holidays just don’t feel like they used to. I remember when I was young, I looked forward to Christmas. I remember how excited I got. Seeing everyone that I didn’t really get to see all year. Now, it just seems different. Everyone’s busy. Life is busier. Everything is rushed.

Christmas Day, at least for me, was rushed. We woke up at 5am. The kids opened their presents. And the whole time I pretty much had in the back of my mind the fact that I had to work later. So, inevitably, I had to take part of my Christmas Day and spend it sleeping, so I didn’t fall asleep at work. And that took away time I would have been spending with family.

On the weekend before New Years we spent a couple days back at my family’s house in Hudson Falls. We had to hurry home on New Years Day so I could be home in time to go to work, again.

There’s just something wrong with a company that makes their employees work on Christmas… and New Years. Companies like McLane Northeast. When you work for a company like that, you don’t feel valued as a person. As an employee. It makes you feel like you’re just a means to an end. The fact that you may have a family really means nothing to them. Just run that freight and shut your mouth. I loved it when the “head guys” of McLane’s came in the day before Christmas weekend and said they wanted us to “enjoy our holiday.” What holiday?

You can be damned sure they weren’t working on Christmas. “Enjoy your holiday.” Yeah. I’ll enjoy being away from my family so I can run a bunch of freight. That’s my awesome Christmas present this year. Running freight for a shit company.

But, I guess it doesn’t really matter, does it? It’s all done and over with. Right?

Read a book.

Categories: All, Family, Life

Just Another Day

Tuesday November 14, 2006 Leave a comment

So once again, not much new has been going on. Just working all night and taking care of the kids during the day. I’m pretty tired right now.

I really need to take a nap, but there are a few things I need to do first. Clean up Torri’s room, upstairs. Take out the garbage. Pick up the mess they (the kids) made in the living room. Stuff I could be doing instead of writing.

Anyway, just thought I’d post this update. Also, for what it’s worth, I’m putting a little sidebar thing indicating the size of my music library. I looked today and had to laugh. Take a look for yourself. It’s on the right-hand side of this page. Oh, or you could click my iTunes Registry link (also found on the sidebar).

Categories: All, Family, Life, Music

You Can Find Me On ParentHacks!

Tuesday September 26, 2006 Leave a comment

If you’ve ever read my sidebar, under the “I Read” subtitle, you’ll see a link to ParentHacks. It’s a really good site for parents. Very interesting ideas.

Anyway, I’ve recently found myself in an interesting situation. And so, I wrote to ParentHacks seeing if they had any advice. Lo and behold, my question actually made it onto the site. Take a look. Maybe you, or someone you know, has been in this situation? Anyway, let me know what you think.

Read a book.

Categories: All, Family, Hacks/Tricks, Internet, Life

I’m Exhausted. I’m Not Complaining. Here’s Why…

Wednesday August 2, 2006 Leave a comment

I’m exhausted. I’m not complaining. I haven’t gotten much sleep lately, and not getting enough sleep is one of the worst feelings. Especially when one has to work all night. (Let me stress that I’m not complaining. Just letting everyone know that I’m tired/exhausted.)

Now, my job isn’t exactly difficult. Operating the highlift basically involves moving my right arm and/or thumb in various directions, controlling the functions of the lift, while using my left hand to steer. That’s about it. I don’t have to do any heavy lifting or anything. I just stand on the lift and let it do the work for me. But, I’m still exhausted. (Did I mention that I’m not complaining?)

Yeah, working nights sucks, but I do it for my girls. All 3 of them. Joanna, Tessa and Torri. They’re my life and I don’t know what I’d do without them.

Back before Torri was born, I spent a lot of time worrying about if I was going to be a good enough father for her. It’s funny how things like that just come naturally. From the moment I saw her come into the world, I knew right away that there was no way that I could be a bad father. It’s amazing how quickly such a little person can become the center of your world, without having to do anything. As soon as I held her, I knew that my life would be forever changed. It became infinitely better.

And then there’s Tessa. She’s such a smart kid. She’s got a really high emotional intelligence (they say EQ is much more important that IQ). She’s very perceptive and sensitive to other people’s feelings. And some of the things she says just blows me away. Just ironic or interesting things that I wouldn’t expect a 5 year old to notice. She starts kindergarten next month and I know she’ll have no problems at all.

Joanna. I don’t even know where to start. I don’t know what I’d do without her. I know I’m home most of the time with the kids, but the few hours that I get to see her before I go to work… I feel like she holds everything together. I would be totally lost if it wasn’t for her. Maybe sometimes I don’t show her enough, but she means everything to me.

I know this entry probably doesn’t interest you, my loyal reader, and you’d probably include this in your “Why I Wouldn’t Read This Blog” series, but when I started talking about how tired and exhausted I’ve been lately, it only made me think about why I do what I do. And you just read a little bit about why that is. Those 3 special people with whom I’m lucky enough to share my life with.

And with that, I’ll conclude with the usual ending: Turn off your TV and read a book.

Categories: All, Family

Moving Day (Part II – All Done)

Wednesday May 31, 2006 Leave a comment

So today’s the last day in this house. I’ll be offline for about a week or so until we get everything set up – the internet and all that stuff. If you’ve stumbled upon this page randomly (through that “Next Blog” link), take a look around.

I’ll probably be doing some mobile publishing via my cell phone. Maybe some pix of the house, the yard and whatnot. So until then, this is me signing off. Good Night And Good luck. So long Syracuse, hello Skaneateles!

Categories: All, Family, Life