Never Good Enough (Success)
Have you ever felt that nothing you do is good enough? Not so much that people say you aren’t good enough, but that you put pressure on yourself – making yourself think that you’re not good enough. Not only that you’re not good enough, but maybe that you’ve spread yourself too thin? I’ve been thinking about life, and what I want to do with mine, and I suppose this introduction may need an introduction.
When I think of being “successful,” I’m not really sure what I mean by that. Maybe it’s just because being successful (in the popular sense of the word) is not really all that important to me. But at the same time, I feel a lot of pressure to do well and to make a lot of money. Money doesn’t really make me happy though. I’ve said it plenty of times before: If I came into a lot of money, my dream would be to sit around and do nothing. I don’t care about the business world, customers, company policies or any of that. All I want to do is be comfortable and happy.
If I was to sum up what makes me happy, it would have to be music, my girlfriend and her daughter, my 2 best friends, and a book every once-in-a-while. That’s it. I want nothing frivolous. I don’t need a lot full of Escalades, million-dollar mansions, or any of these various arrangements of molecules. I just want a simple life. That’s what makes me happy.
Now, what I was getting at… the point I was trying to make from the beginning is that I’ve been putting pressure on myself to be “successful” in the popular sense. I’m not sure where it comes from, but I have a feeling that it stems from the environment of my new job. I’m surrounded by all these people in suits and ties – business-oriented people. Something about that lifestyle is intriguing. I suppose that I confuse the intriguing with that which I have a passion for.
After considerable thought, I’ve concluded right now that there are a lot of issues on the table at this point. Some of which are the fact that I tend to compare myself to other people, and if at all possible, I try to convince myself that I’m not “as good as they are,” whether it be intelligence, personality, or anything else. Also, I confuse “lack of drive” with motivation to do things that I hate doing. By that, I refer to what I said in the beginning about spreading myself too thin. I can’t seem to put my finger on what my real passion in life is. I’ve found myself entertaining so many ideas that it becomes difficult to narrow it down to any one thing – or even any two things.
I don’t know. I’m not really sure what else to write right now. If anyone has any ideas, let me know. Goodnight all.