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Back To Nature! Marketing & Advertising

So this is where I just write about crap. Seeing as how no one comments on my page, maybe I’ll start commenting on people’s pages and see if they return the favor. In a way I feel like I’m wasting my time doing this because the whole purpose of posting my thoughts on a website is for people to read and comment. Who knows? I’ll just write crap here, and because everyone’s got ADD, they don’t have the patience to read anything longer than three lines that are printed in capital letters.

I guess I’m guilty of the same thing everyone else is though. I spend the time thinking of this stuff to write, but then that’s it. I don’t bother looking at other people’s blogs. Ok, so I’m selfish. I’ll change.

Wow, I can’t think of anything to write. It’s more than just writer’s block because it’s really frustrating me. I really want to write something, but nothing is coming to me. Maybe it’s because I’m hungry. Ok, I’m getting something to eat.

Ok, so I’m back. Had a raw hotdog (not recommended according to the package), and I took some clothes out of the dryer. That hotdog was really good.

It’s a good thing we don’t have to hunt and trap food anymore. I wouldn’t have had the energy. Man, growing stuff in a garden would take way too long too. I want to eat when I’m hungry, and I don’t want to have to wait. I want it Super-Sized, and I want it my way, right away. I want to be a consumer. I just want to be a little tubule that consumes products and excretes the waste into a giant landfill somewhere off the coast of New York City. I want to be marketed to. I want people (companies) to offer me things that I didn’t ask for, because of course I don’t realize how much I need certain products until they tell me I do. I want to know how horrible my life is without their brand of underarm deodorant and toothpaste. I want all kinds of various shaped plastics for $19.95 a piece. I want a little window to pop up each time I search the internet that inserts the word “Buy” before each thing I search for, because obviously each time I look something up on the internet, it’s to consume a product. I want it to be a handy link that automatically deducts money from my checking account, giving me that neatly packaged random object that I need in my life.

Marketing and Advertising are the most evil concepts on this planet, and I think anyone who’s in marketing and advertising should, right now, (1) start your vehicle in an enclosed space, (2) walk around to the back of the vehicle, and finally (3) latch your lips around the tailpipe and breathe. Have sweet dreams of telemarketing, market research, and human behavior as it relates to the consumption of products. You serve no purpose on this planet.

What’s that you say? Why am I so vexed? Well, can you not drive down the road without being bombarded with advertisements (billboards)? And I suppose it’s not even the fact that there are advertisements everywhere, but the way advertising is used – how products are portrayed.
I want to propose a bill to congress limiting the ways in which products can be portrayed in advertising. So many times commercials show beautiful women wearing nearly nothing, expensive vehicles, and people having a great time – and through this whole episode you only see the product for maybe a split second. Maybe I’ll compose the bill right now.

Bill 468213.216548BE
I submit to Congress, the following Bill for review and consideration, on the 20th day of March, in the year 2004.

As it is well known to all of you distinguished gentlemen, advertising is a large part of our society. Not a day goes by that we are not exposed to it. I submit to you all on this day that the American people would be greatly benefited, even protected, by this Bill I am proposing.

Now, I’m not well versed in legal jargon, but I will sum up what I believe would best benefit our citizens, as well as increase competition and create more affordable, better quality products for the consumer.

I submit that advertising should not consist of material deemed irrelevant to the product. In fact, aside from a picture or two of the product, advertising should consist of nothing more than text describing the product. Furthermore, I submit that an independent party should write the advertisement and do all research concerning the product. Also, anything written in the advertisement should be only fact-based. No opinions should be allowed to enter into the equation, let alone flashing lights, scantily clad women, and other distractions.

I would leave it up to you, distinguished members of Congress, to work out the details of this Bill. I feel it is adequate enough to benefit our country, citizens, and our economy.

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