Home > All, Essential, Humor, Philosophy, Rant, Religion > Psalm 151: A Psalm Of David (Me)

Psalm 151: A Psalm Of David (Me)

O Lord, where art thou in this time of need?

2. Howbeit that thou hast allowed such groveling idiots to persist in thy kingdom?

3. I lament in the error of thy ways, O Lord.

4. Thou hast permitted flagrant morons to embark upon unending journeys to Burgoyne Quality Hardware.

5. The insensitivity to human kind that thou hast shown in times past has fallen from your grasp.

6. For how wonderful it was when you burnt people to death at Sodom and Gomorrah without concern for their lives, because you hate people so much, O Lord.

7.Thou showeth such honor when you ordered the slaughter of thousands – including women and children – like a real man would do.

8. Why hast thou now resisted so strongly the murder and destruction of so grave and worthless a people?

9. Why hast thou not permitted AIDS to become airborne, nor produced a greater amount of the flesh-eating virus to flourish in the Purely Idiotic community that is Hudson Falls, NY 12839?

10. In your great wisdom, O Lord, thou hast created a place of eternal punishment for your beloved children, yet you show no hint of action against the customers of Quality Hardware?

11. My countenance hath fallen, O Lord, for how much greater your hatred should be for these people whom you don’t love very much; as opposed to the people whom you love and will send to Hell for all eternity.

12. How can it be, O Lord, that inflicting the customers of Quality Hardware with increasing terminal illnesses is beyond your abilities, when thou hast created a special place of eternal punishment for me –your beloved son – whom you love with exceeding love?

13. How limited your range of punishment upon these people is, O Lord.

14. Even the early followers of the Faith have shown more spirit and steadfastness than you, O Lord.

15. As you will recall, O Lord, how many “heretics” were tortured and killed for believing such evil propaganda as the idea that the Earth might be round!

16. Who would dare question your Bible, O Lord, and claim that the sun, moon, and stars are not contained within the Earths atmosphere; the floodgates hold the water back, which are attached to the firmament connected to two (2) mountains that no one has ever seen.

17. Meditate on how these “heretics’” arms were tied behind their backs, lifted into the air by their wrists – with weights tied to their ankles.

18. Your disciples knew that dislocated shoulders were incredibly painful.

19. Can it be, O Lord, that your beloved children are more creative than yourself?

20. You, O Lord, the Creator of the human body, should be able to torture people you don’t love very much – for you know of all weak points.

21. O Lord, you never hesitated to ruin lives before, yet now you have ceased the torture you supported all throughout the years.

22. I am deeply saddened, O Lord, for the lack of your cruelty toward mankind, besides the fact that you invented homeless people.

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